A Day In The Life...

Today I'm pretty sure my butt was trying to eat my underwear. No matter what I did I could NOT shake it loose. I even grew so bold as to pick my wedgie and my underwear still ended up tucked away in my crevices. Gah... next time... totally free balling.

So I don't like to talk ill of my coworkers because I always hear about these stories where people get fired because they called there bosses big hairy losers so instead I'm going to make fun of the woman who works for payroll.

I love this woman but only because she is carnival freak crazy!

To set the scene for you imagine a woman with a femullet who looks like she shops at Walmart for all of her clothing. Also imagine her speaking with a speech impediment that makes her sound like a 4 year old child.

And....go!

I enter the payroll office and am visually assaulted by pay roll lady. I take a moment to adjust to her and then ask:

You Hero: Hi is this where I pick up my checks?

Looney Toons: Yes it sure is can I have your social security number-just kidding we don't use that anymore to identify you anymore. They changed the policy. I just need your last name.

I say my last name.

Looney Toons: Monroe... Monroe... *Starts searching a binder*

Wrong! I repeat my last name.

Looney Toons: Orbin? Oh *Starts searching a different part of the binder*

I SPELL my last name.

Looney Toons: Oh I didn't think an Orbin worked here okay here we go *Searching wrong part of the binder still*

Your Hero: Sorry I must have mumbled... my last name begins with...

I start spelling my name when she interrupts with-

Looney Toons: Oooh are you independently wealthy do you want to marry me?! Haha

Your Hero: Wha? Oh yeah I've been forgetting to pick up my checks.

Looney Toons: If you can guess how many you got here I'll give them both to you.

Your Hero: Umm I should have two.

Looney Toons: Ding Ding Ding! You win!

Your Hero: Yay.

Looney Toons: Okay here you go.

I grab my checks and try to run out as fast as possible.

Looney Toons: WAIT! You need to sign the list or they'll beat me up. You wouldn't want that?

Your Hero: Of course not...

I LOVE the working world!

2:^)

P.S. Incase you're like my stupid friends and have no idea what that drawing is of in my last post, it is a monkey. I call him Darwin.

Sometimes I draw him with a banana but my bananas usually look like penises... or do my penises look like bananas? Hmmm... I'm the next Aristotle.