Chubbykins

So one of the problems with being a skinny bitch is that people always think you need to eat more. I could finish a 3 course dinner and still have people forcing a baked ham down my gullet. Fortunately I was always up to the task, oftentimes eating people out of house and home and then wondering what was for dessert. I loved it, my friends who worked out and calorie counted every day hated me for it, which made me eat more and more and worse and worse just to see them turn red with anger. But now the race horse that was Mr. Metabolism seems to have injured himself starting out of the gate and now might have to be sent to the glue factory or put down with a bullet of... diet and exercise.

I wake up in a cold sweat just thinking about it. Instead of eating muffins I'll have to eat apples, instead of pasta I'll be having salad, instead of a 2000 calorie snack I'll only be eating 2000 calories a day!!! My soul aches!

Several Challenges Await Me:

1) I hate fruits and vegetables. Essentially if it is overprocessed and doesn't look like it came from nature I am all over it like a fat kid on a cupcake... or like me on a cupcake. Oh gawd!
2) I am a picky eater and a food white supremacist (i.e. I don't really like Indian, Thai, Chinese, etc. food just "American" food).
3) I don't like to do exercise that involves... movement. I get too out of breath doing most activities because I have self diagnosed myself with sports induced asthma. Also certain types of cardio such as running make my teeth hurt for some reason. Basically what I need is a machine that does the work for me that involves some sort of morphine drip and an oxygen tank so I don't feel any of it.

So with that said. I am going to start Operation: Taking The Hell Out Of Health.

Goal 1: Incorporate more fruits and vegetables into my diet.
Goal 2: Experiment with new and different foods.
Goal 3: Exercise more (and by that I mean start exercising).
Goal 4: Make doctor, optometrist, dentist appointments (since its been awhile and I hate them.)
Goal 5: Floss daily (flossing feels like barbed wire in my mouth but I don't want my teeth to look like a bombed city).

First up I am going to start where the Bible did. With an apple. Wish me luck.

I'll report back later on how that goes.

2:^)