Burnt Out

Good news! Death didn't come for me after eating that apple yesterday nor did my body go into some sort of cardiac arrest from the nutrition so this is definitely a positive sign. Unfortunately though I do feel rather burnt out for reasons unbeknownst to me. Perhaps processing natural fiber takes a lot of energy out of you. I wouldn't know. Whatever the reason I have been a certifiable bump on a log as evidenced by the fact I woke up at the crack of 10 and all I've done is play videogames until I came upstairs to update this piece.

My life is just a crazy roller coaster like that sometimes.

Since I've started this blog I've been looking at a lot of people's diaries, particularly those of other gay bloggers which makes me feel sort of like an animal. My cat is kept indoors and she goes absolutely crazy when she sees another feline roaming about in the yard, even going so far as to stand up on her little hind legs and press her face against the window to get a better look. Same with my dog when she sees another pooch. She does this thing where she spins around, stops and looks, barks, spins around, lather, rinse, repeat. Being a gay, I am similarly fascinated and drawn to my own kind and have frequented lots-o-gay diaries in the past couple of days. I won't admit how many because I'll just embarrass myself.

But anyway, on my gay blog tour I have come to find that many seem to focus on either gay porn, pictures of hot guys, or my favorite of all - The Blogger's Own Sexcapades.

The latter are by and large my favorite simply because they are so GD ridiculous. Here is a simple formula for the typical sex blog entry:

1) You meet some random guy at a bar/club or you contact them online. The guy is, naturally, the most gorgeous person you've ever seen in your life even more gorgeous than that guy you said that about last week.
2) You take the guy back to your place or go back to his. Insert something about roommate/family being/not being home at the moment.
3) When removing clothing, you see that this guy is hung like a bull elephant, but never fear so are you.
4) Include every sexual innuendo in your repetoire, use lots of synonyms for male genitalia (my absolute favorite being f*** stick).
5) At this point someone is usually gone down on but sometimes you just get right down to it because this is your third guy today and you have a quota of 10 to fill before the end of the night.
6) Condoms are like water in the desert but one of the partners pulls lube out of nowhere like a magician's trick.
7) Bowchickabowwow some sort of jack hammering terminology is eventually used to describe the act.
8) Spread seed, wam bam thankya mam.
9) Finish off with some sort of line about how it was the best sex ever and how you'll definitely see the guy again.

Congratulations you're done! Now you never have to read another gay sex diary again oooor you can start writing you own.

This has been a Public Service Announcement Brought to you by Stucking Fupid.

2:^)