I'm Like A Teletubby But Gayer (If That's Possible)

This entry brought to you from the Reference Desk (but not posted until right now because I don't really want my coworkers finding my blog).

Gah finally I got the chance to use the computer! There's this man that is always scheduled for the reference desk right before me - Bill or Tom or Jim whatever I don't actually know what his real name is I just call him Generic Named Guy. Well he's scheduled for 3 hours every Friday and all he does is make personal calls and look at sports websites all day. He's not even with my department so for all I know he doesn't even work here. Whatever the case may be, it never fails that right before it's my turn to take over the reference desk he starts composing an email or looking at a website (today he did both) which take him well beyond his 3 hour mark. I find this to be very inconsiderate and frustrating because it takes precious precious minutes away from my online time in which I could be composing whiney blog entries like this one about people like him. That man owes me 10 reference desk minutes and I will pay him back... with a vengeance! Someday, somehow...

Speaking of my maturity, one of the ways I've been trying to train myself for the real world is by breaking myself of my fucking swearing habit. I drop a book and I drop an expletive, I forget to do something and I forget where I am and use an expletive, I bang my toe and I bang an expletive errr okay that last one didn't work so much... but still I've tried everything. Foreign curse words worked for a little while except some sound a little too close to their American equivalent, or worse, don't sound the same at all so I couldn't catch myself saying shit... and then change it into mierda. Shiiierda see doesn't work. What a bind!

The only prescription that seems to have cured me of my filthy whorish mouth is replacing my bad language with cutesy words. For example, I say Sugar Honey Iced Tea (Hold the Lemon) instead of shit and fudgicles instead fuck. That sorta thing. The only problem now is that I'm walking around the office sounding like a children's television program and I think I might have to cure myself of my cursing cure habit before I ruin my image as a cold, heartless bastard. Bastard! I haven't found a replacement for that one yet, so I sound even more ridiculous because I censor myself only with the words I've found legitimate replacements for.

I think I might just have to phase out talking altogether. Do they have cross words in American Sign Language?

I need help before it's too late. Seriously. Someone stop me before I start sounding like that Meg woman (if that IS her REAL name) over at Cute Overload. Now I'm not one to speak ill of one of my fellow bloggers... oh who am I kidding I'm a bitchy malcontent and that's exactly the kind of thing I'd do but I fear the Curator of Cute may be... how shall I phrase this delicately... borderline retarded (it was that or heavily medicated that's at nice as I get). I mean I LOVE animals as much as the next boy lover and I loooove Cute Overload lots, I just don't like to admit it, but the captions for the pictures have GOT to go... or stay because that'll just give me something to make fun of like I'm doing right now.

Anyway a cute asian patron is in need of my services and he thinks I'm looking up his request right now. HAH jokes on that fool. If you need me I'll be in the stacks, just follow the sounds of someone dropping books and yelling "Son of a biscuit!"

Seriously people I must be stopped!

2:^)