Learning To Be Gay, One Gay At A Time err Day

Because my life is currently all work and no play (being car-less and all), I will again talk about work.

Today I was given the challenging task of counting microfiche (a job skill which will surely put me a cut above the rest when I'm thrust upon the market). In order to make the time pass by a little quicker I decided to go join one of the librarians and a student assistant (who was also counting microfice - that shit is all over the place) in the break room. I entered just as they were having a conversation about attraction and was already starting to feel a little uneasy.

The straight, allbeit kinda gay, student assistant said that the only men he can admit to finding attractive are half asian half black... which just made me picture Tiger Woods:
And nothin' against Tiger Woods, I've got no beefs with him...but... I find him repulsive to look at because he reminds me of ET The Extra Terrestrial:


Seriously you have to admit that resemblance is un-freakin'-canny. Anyway this assured me 100% that the student assistant is as heterosexual as they come because for some reason bad taste in men = heterosexuality to me.

So they soon turned their sights on me and the librarian asked kind of vaguely, "What types of... people do you find attractive?"

People, of course, being code for you are queerer than a 3 dollar bill... wearing a rainbow cape... watching gay porn... having a gay orgy... and I know it. I had to think for a moment about about how I should respond. Everyone in my office is very liberal and they have all those gay safe space signs posted up all over the place like it's wall paper so it's not like I was expecting any kind of negative reaction. And well, though I don't like to think it, I am told I am rather flamboyant and it's pretty obvious that I'm gay (which I suppose should have become apparent to me when I came out to my mother and her reaction was to laugh and say, "I knew it!"). But still. You can take your presumptions and stuff it. So I decided my approach would be to respond with vagueness.

"Well it's been awhile so I'm pretty much attracted to everyone."

Then a new "kill" came in, one of the other librarians entered the room and they turned their line of questioning on him and he just stared at them until he left him alone. Clever boy! I suppose part of my hesitation to just tell people I'm gay is that some people (who don't have a lot of experience with gay people, or at least with one as chatty and uninhibited as me) then take that as an invitation to ask every stupid question they ever wanted to direct toward a gay person that comes to their mind. You got your typical "Are you out to your family?", "When did you first know you were attracted to guys?" types of questions, but eventually it avalanches into questions like:

"Do gay guys lose their virginity twice? Like once for the top and again for the bottom?"

"How do you prepare for butt sex?"

"Why don't you believe in lesbians?"

And how DO you answer questions like that. I mean I like to think of myself as a repository of information but I am by no means an authority on all things gay. How does one delicately address the semantics behind backdoor action? I'm practically a virgin by gay man terms. Should I refer them to a more experienced source?

I usually just say I'm uncomfortable with this line of questioning and that seems to do the trick. But I do feel an obligation to educate the masses, the poor gayless masses.

What is a gay to do?

2:^)