And So I'm Reminded You Can't Pick Your Family

It figures that just as I swear off talking to My Pretend Future Husband Who Doesn't Know It Yet, he messages me and asks me to go to a club with him. My mutant facial distinguishing mark *coughpimplecough* prevented me from going out, but it was nice to know he wanted to hang out with me and therefore wants to have my adopted babies.*

In other news, if I don't kill my father by the end of the day I think I'll have earned sainthood.
And so the story of my day begins...

I took off work so that I could take my car in to get the air conditioner fixed. Last night my father said that he would need me to drive my car over there with him so I would absolutely have to be ready to leave by quarter of 8. I told him to come knock on my door a little before quarter of 8 and I would throw on some clothes and we could go.

So I'm up well before 8, eyes closed but awake, just enjoying the comfort of my warm bed when I get the signal that it is go time! I throw on my clothes real fast and yell to my father, who was in the bathroom, that I would be waiting for him downstairs. Time passes and suddenly I start to realize my dad wasn't just using the bathroom, he was taking a shower! which with his combination of creams and sprays and baby powder and ground elephant testicles (I don't know there's a whole cabinet full of crap he uses) meant he would be ready in about half an hour. Time I could have remained in bed. (Boiling Point: 60 minutes)

He lumbers down the stairs as I'm working on some stuff and asks me, "Well are you ready to go?" (Boiling Point: 33 minutes)

"LET'S GO!" I head to the door. He asks me if I need a bag to put stuff from my car in (since things tend to mysteriously disappear when I take it in) and I tell him no because the only thing I care about taking out is my car charger (which has "disappeared" before).

I rush out the door eager to get this over with and as I'm stepping into the car, he tries to hand me a bag. (Boiling Point: 26 minutes) I slam the car door in his face as he stands there, bag in hand, staring at me. I simply start up my car, turn on the radio, and prepare to drive. He takes the hint. We go drop off my car and he offers to take me out to breakfast. I agree, not wanting to cook, so he takes me to... uggh... Friendlys (Boiling Point: 10 minutes)

My father has been trying to get me to join the Knights of Columbus for years and it wasn't until I came out of the closet that he finally stopped asking me (which if I had known I would have come out years ago). So instead of trying to get me to join, he talks to me about his trials and tribulations as Chief Grand Knight or whatever of the organization. I blankly stare at him as he goes on to talk about how they might have to combine councils due to low participation. (Boiling Point: 1 minutes)

Your Hero: That's nice...

Papa Bear: Haha, I forget you're not a morning type of person. (Boiling Point: Imminent *Cue steam shooting out of my ears and fire breath!!!)

Your Hero: I'm not a you type of person. Speaking of this morning...

I then launch into a tirade against him in which I ask when we were supposed to leave this morning, whether he had heard me when I said I didn't need a bag, and a host of other stupid things that had been irritating me all morning. I wasn't mistaken about anything and he had heard everything I had said. His final response was:

Papa Bear: Much to do about nothing. *Throws hands up in the air.*

Being the Drama King that I am I couldn't possibly let it rest there.

Your Hero: The issue is not the bag or when we were supposed to leave, but the fact that you don't listen to what other people have to say to you or worse, you do listen to what we say and ignore it. Don't you see how someone might construe that as disrespectful and rude? Is that much to do about nothing?

Papa Bear: I'm sorry...

Your Hero: That would mean something if you took my words to heart and didn't do it again but I know you're going to. You know you're going to. I could go home and ask [my sister] and she'd say you're just going to do it again too.

My father was in silence as were the rest of the people in the restaurant who had begun eavesdropping. The waitress came.

Your Hero: I'll have the Super-Big-Two Combo meal, please.

And I don't know whether it was my dad's humilation or the sweet release of all that pent up annoyance, but that crumby meal tasted like a bite of baby Jesus. Is this what victory tastes like?

We came home, business as usual and my dad instantly began to grate on my sister's nerves because he's the loud bull-in-a-china-shop type with everything he does, and she was trying to do work for school. Normally this would annoy me too but I was back at room temperature again and there was very little he could do to bother me again. After my sister complained that he needed to leave the room, my father disappears somewhere. Soon after the house phone rings. My sister stops working to answer it.

It's my father.

He's calling from our bathroom.

There's no toilet paper in there.

My sister lets out the most blood curdling.

Later I am relaxing in my room playing my game when my dad yells to me that they can't fix my car today because they need to order a condenser. I'll have to bring my car back when the part comes in. We need to go pick my car up. I say okay and go back to playing my game. A few minutes later he impatiently yells to me, "Are you ready to go?" Normally I would be annoyed because he didn't say we had to go right away or that he was in any sort of hurry but after the not so friendly incident at Friendlys I was feeling corgial towards him so I stopped playing my game and we headed out the door.

For some reason he decided to take the scenic route this time but again that's alright, I'm happy I'm joyful I'm rested I'm relaxed. Nothing can bring me down.

We pull into the garage and my dad goes to get my car. He's talking to the mechanic and then comes back to the car.

Papa Bear: They have to take out the condenser so they can order the part so they'll need to keep your car for two days, while they order the part and replace it.

Your Hero: Okay...

I was confused.

Papa Bear: I'll go put the deposit down.

Wheels are turning as he goes back to the mechanic to put the deposit down and continue to roll as my father gets back in the car and we start to drive home.

Your Hero: Wait a minute... didn't they know that they would need to take out the condenser so that they could order the part BEFORE they called you on the phone?

Papa Bear: Yeah but they needed me to put the deposit down and to give them the okay.

Your Hero: So did you know I didn't have to be here and bring me along anyway?

Papa Bear: ....

And so we drove off into the sunset, father and his son bonding in their own unique way... with me screaming at him like a howler monkey.

2:^)

*Okay okay the pimple wasn't the real reason, the real reason was because I had a questionable hook up with one of the birthday boys and have no desire to see him ever again if I can avoid it. But that's a whole 'nother entry entirely.