Next I'm Thinking I'll Set My Sights OnAtlantis, Or El Dorado

Today I had to go to a student assistant orientation but was almost 45 minutes late due to an overturned tractor trailor which closed both lanes right before the exit for my school. Greaaaat. And wouldn't you know it, as soon as I reached the library I rush to the 7th floor conference room and burst in right as the coordinator was discussing the importance of punctuality.

D'oh!

Two hours later the woman continued to look at me every time she said anything remotely related to being on time. Bah! So needless to say the day started out pretty lousy. As soon as I was done the orientation I decided to treat myself to lunch and it was then that my day truly began to pick up.

For weeks now I have been in a relentless search to find our Student Union Subway and for weeks it has evaded me at ever turn. I checked the entire first floor, the second floor, the food court, the ground floor, the west lounge, the cafe, the co-op (hey you never know), but it was nowhere to be found. I was slowly but surely narrowing down the list of possible places it could be but still could not find it. I even broke down and checked a floor directory but it wasn't on there! That wascally wabbit had eluded me again.

But today as I walked into the student union, for some reason I knew things would be different. There was an electricity in the air, a vibe that told me that today was going to be the day.

There was one last place I had yet to look - a small alcove just off the ground floor and as I headed in that direction I saw a Subway bag in a garbage bin. My gut told me this was a positive sign, but as I approached the alcove I began to realize it was a dead end, leading to a stairwell and an elevator. Just as I was about to give up all hope I spotted a sign on the wall and I took a quick glance to find:


Clearly a sign from God or Allah or Yahweh or The Flying Spaghetti Monster, whatever may or may not have created man and showers mercy on simple fools like me in the form of foot-long sandwiches. I was in hot pursuit!

As I stepped onto the elevator there was another sign which indicated that the Subway was conveniently located on sub-basement level 2. Normally the first place I always look. Pfft. I would have taken a picture of that sign too but there are cameras in the elevators and I thought Public Safety would end up pulling me aside and questioning me like I was some sort of a terrorist. Especially if they check their video surveillence of the stair well which will undoubtedly turn up footage of me taking photographs of the floor plans and stuff like that. When obviously the rational reason I'm doing so is to write about my quest for Subway on a webblog.

Great alibi.

As I stepped off the elevator I saw it. I think the clouds opened up and a choir of angels sang out in an immaculate choirs, as I spotted a glowing neon sign pointing me in the direction of the glory that is Subway. After several failed attempts to take nonchalant pictures of the sign, I gave up and quickly made my way down a corridor, past some dance dance revolution games, across a bowling alley, over a bridge which had a troll I had to pay 5 dollars to, and over to a cubby where tucked away in the deepest caverns of the Student Union I found the Subway (which again I tried to take a picture of, I was so excited, but I had to be discrete because I didn't want people to be all "Why's that freak takin' picture phone pictures of the Subway?" and in my discretion I somehow managed to take a really great picture shot of my index finger and another of the back of people's heads, pretty much everythibg but the Subway despite the fact I was standing in the middle of it). You see officers, I'm not a good enough photographer to be a terrorist.

Instead I simply got my foot-long meatball Sub (because 6 inches always leaves me wanting hiyoooo) and here is the beautiful picture I took of it.


I think I owe the Subway people 10,000 dollars for posting that picture, but that is only a small joy compared to the endless joy that sandwich gave me. (Endless being until I finished the sandwich and felt like an overfed heifer.)

As I was inhaling my sub (since my lunch break was almost over by the point I found the Subway and took all these pictures) I happened to notice that everyone around me was Asian and sleeping.

So naturally I took pictures of them because they were too busy being passed out to notice/care what I was doing.


Not one, not two, but four, FOUR sleeping asians. Try to spot them all. I found 5 more sawing logs in chairs by the west lounge, so I guess there must have been a tour group or something, but for a moment I was tickled by the idea that I had stumbled upon some sort of Asian Nap Club (like Fight Club but lazier?).

Just to prove to you that you do not have to be pure of spirit to find the Holy Grail Subway, I submit to you the following tastless joke that I heard while stuck in traffic. Still it made me laugh and since I already know I'm going to hell I at least want the devil to have to think up new punishments for me when I have my come uppins. Enjoy.

A woman is waiting in a doctor's office. The doctor enters.

Doctor: I've got bad news.

Woman: Oh no, what is it?

Doctor: Well your test results came back and it looks like you have cancer.

Woman: Are you serious?

Doctor: It gets worse. They also show that you have alzheimers.

Woman: Well that's a relief. At least I don't have cancer!

Burn, baby, burn.

Keep hope alive, you too can find your nearest Subway

2:^)