It's Like Prostitution Only Less Herpes

So for some reason I thought it would be fun to try out this nature thing all the kids are talking about these days...and in the minute I was outside I managed to walk through a spider web, get attacked by a bug, and started sweating in places I didn't even know could sweat.

Ah well, better luck next time.

A few weeks ago I sent out graduation announcements* (despite the fact that I graduated in early May) and now I am eagerly anticipating the money that will be rolling in the kind words and adulation that are coming my way. So far I've received two cards back and all I can say is Cha-Ching! that I am reminded of how fortunate I am to have a loving family who appreciates me and relishes in my accomplishments.

It dawned on me, however, after opening their letters that this would mean that I have to write the ever dreaded... Thank You Note! My least favorite thing in the world!!! But I think I'm going to make it fun this time around, for myself mostly, by doing the following.

I'm a big fan of public television and my favorite thing to watch are those pledge drives that everyone thinks are stupid and annoying. I simply enjoy them because for an outrageous donation you can get a really crappy pretentious gifts. For instance, a 250 dollar pledge will get you a cassette tape of a Javanese Gamelan ensemble, a VHS of a Kabuki play, an umbrella, and it'll all come in a tote bag embellished with the Public television logo!

This is exactly the approach I want to use for my Thank You Notes.

Your pledge of $0 to 25 dollars will get you the following message:

"Thanks..."

25+ to 50:

"Thanks...

Love,

[StuckingFupid]"

50+ to 100:

I will answer whatever stupid question you asked me in your letter no matter how many times you've asked me it before like what I plan to do after college, which I've already told you thrice! You will also receive the following message:

"Thanks!!!

Love always,

[StuckingFupid]"

100+:

You will receive all of the above, plus I will hug you at our next family reunion/party/holiday event.

My love is for sale! And much like a public television tote bag, it doesn't come cheap.

2:^)

*Okay, okay my mother sent out graduation announcements but I did have it on my to do list! That counts for something right? Right?!?!