Who Needs Enemies When You Have Friends?

This may make me a horrible human being but I honestly think that I'm happiest when all my friends are miserable. And boy did graduation ever deliver! All those people who made fun of me for taking unpaid internships throughout my college experience are now hurting on the job marketing because, surprise, surprise, their part-time jobs at the Chicken Shack didn't prepare them for the real world. HAH! Not to mention those friends who don't even know what they want to do with their degrees (or worse can't do anything with their degrees) and are currently scrounging for a real job because they have been given the boot from their parents' health insurance plan. Double HAH!

And some of them didn't get into their graduate programs ahahahahaha

But still despite my reveling in their misfortune, a small part of my black little heart goes out to them and I have become, dare I say it, maternal in my concern.

For instance my one friend is determined to make it on her own. She was a sociology anthropology major and she hated everything about her degree, yet despite not having a job or any sorts of funds, she moved into an house with three other guys and has taken on a series of odd jobs to pay the rent. Factor in that she can't drive a car, refuses to let her parents teach her, and is therefore limited in both her job and housing options because she has to be near a metro stop, well lets just say you've got all the makings of a category 5 Shit Storm because, unless she wants to live in North Crackton or Upper Hobotown, it ain't gonna be cheap.

So far she has sold jewelry for a crazy woman, played counselor at a bike camp (which she's not very good at because most of the kids don't speak English and she knows absolutely nothing about bikes), and I think her current gig involves busting tables at the Cheesecake Factory. Ah what your degree can earn you.

One day she visited me at my work and she was holding some CDs. This was at the height of World Cup so she was assaulting me with tales of her experiences with the little hoodrats that go to her camp. Like how the camp leader asked the children to raise their hands if they play soccer, one child didn't and another yelled, "Jose you know you play soccer, you Spanish".

Children truly are our future. 2:^/

So as she's telling me this I can't help but notice the CDs that she keeps waving around in her hands.

Your Hero: What are those for?
Dumbass: Oh, I'm taking these to Record and Tape Traders to sell them for metro fare home.

She was going to go hock CDs for money! Sell her personal belongings or else she couldn't get home because she didn't have a dollar to her name! I wanted to hold her close and not let her go until she came to her senses but instead I did what any good friend would do and made fun of her. If she isn't prostituting herself within a month I'll be very disappointed in her. Until then she will be serving as a constant reminder that if I ever find myself having to grift for gas money I'll be packed up and moving back in with my parents before you can say "unemployment check".

Last I heard she had visited her family while they weren't home so she could do some "grocery shopping" because, when taking on her jobs, she did not take into account budgeting for things like... food. You know those basic life necessities are hard to remember sometimes.

Oh brother.

At least I can still be friends with her because she's struggling... unlike some of my other friends who, though unemployed, are desperately in love with their BOYFRIENDS and one even has that gall to go and get ENGAGED. As a new mother, I do NOT approve of these boys. Not because my friends don't deserve these men (I know these guys and to say they look like they're missing a chromosome or two is to put it nicely), but that I should be firmly established in a relationship before they go finding the loves of their lives. That's just how it works. If I'm not happy, no one's happy. Otherwise it's just depressing that they can find people while bein' all sorts of retarded and here I am playin' with my balls. I mean I'm pretty fun and not hard on the eyes. Behold:
I mean sure... it's an artist rendition but with my rosy glow, messy brown hair, and charming personality I should have to barricade the door to keep the men folks out. But no, instead those fools are out gallivanting around with boyfriends linked to their arms while I am here writing blog entries about it.

I can't even remember the last person I was involved with... okay I do and the last thing I ever said to him was "I hope you don't become a statistic!" but I can't remember the last person before the last person and that is very unsettling. It's not like my standards are too picky either, I mean at this point I just want a man with a birth certificate and all of his teeth who isn't a heavy weight contender or barely legal. That's not asking for much is it? Is it?!?!

Oh well I can't get too depressed by my friends' happy relationships. After all they'll most likely result in heart-wrenching break ups which I will eat up with a spoon... And then there's the case of the engaged one where there's a 50/50 shot of that marriage gone' down the pooper (or in her case 80/20 because she demanded a ring before graduation).

But once that's all done with, I'll back on top again, standing on the rubble of their ruined love lives... With my amazing boyfriend... who I'll be living with... in a mansion... on the moon... oh gawd I gotta go

2:^)