My Latest Scheme

Three weeks ago my coworker offered me a ticket for Wicked. He had bought the tickets because he thought he'd have a boyfriend by now but as luck should have it he was all alone. Just like me. So when he said he'd like me to go with him, I greedily accepted his offer. He had also been wanting me to show him the sights around Charm City so we would be killing two birds with one stone. If there's nothing I like more than hanging out with friends it's multitasking and day planning!

Filled with delight I went ahead and starting finalizing our little excursion. It was to be this weekend.

About two weeks ago my coworker started chatting with a man on gay.com. Apparently they have lots in common. Both from small towns, both have ministry backgrounds, blah blah blah. They've seen each other twice and then this weekend they had a date to watch Devil Wears Prada together. It's all my coworker could talk about all day Friday as I helped him move all of his worldly possessions into his new apartment. I nearly threw myself from his terrace when he stopped to read me a text message from him.

So they had their little date and then I get this jewel in my inbox last night:

Hi [Stuckingfupid],

I momentarily have email...If it storms bad and campus closes tomorrow (in the off chance...) call me ok. I'm so isolated without tv OR internet. lol.

Seriously.

So, glad you came down on Friday. I really appreciated your help and your company, it was fun and much less stressful than if I'd been by myself.

So, last night's date went really well....Tell you about it tomorrow.

AND...So, will you hate me if I ask [My New Midget Boyfriend] to see Wicked? I hope not. I suppose I'd get over it though. lol.

No, seriously, it's why, when I told you about them, that I said "if I don't have a date". I gave $80 a ticket so I'd like to take a date who I might get some action out of afterwards. lol. I haven't asked him yet, but if he says no, you are at the top of the list. And if I don't come up next weekend, we will set another Saturday immediately for my official debut on the Baltimore scene.

Ok?

Good night best friend,

[My Stupid Coworker] smile.

To which I kindly responded:

Yay momentary email. I'll be sure to call you if campus closes.

About the tickets yes I'd hate you but they're yours to do what you want with. If we don't hang out this weekend it might not be for awhile because the weekend after that I'm visiting friends in [at my alma mater] and then after that I can't make any promises because of grad school soooo it might have to wait until summer when I'm not busy.

This morning he made it official and told me that his New Midget Boyfriend had accepted his offer, which makes me think that he had already asked him and was just being nice in that email because he also mentioned that he was so torn up about this that he had to ring up his Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor for some guidance.

All of this had to have happened sometime between the hours of 9:30 Sunday night and 7:30 Monday morning when I called him to tell him we were late for work. It's possible but... it doesn't take Batman to question this caper.

So he tells me he's going with the Midget and I said, okay well I'm glad you told me this now so I can make plans with my friends I haven't seen in months.

He then told me what his AA sponsor had said about all this:

"Would you rather take your boyfriend or your girlfriend? Take your boyfriend."

I may be a bitch. And I may have a little of the flame. But I detest nothing more than being referred to as a girlfriend, a woman, anything. I left a lunch table and went and sat with strangers for months freshman year of highschool because a kid said "he's not gay he's just a girl". While I think it's all good and well to have the milk bags and a hooha, it's very insulting to belittle someone's masculinity even if they're gay and kind of a big woman anyway. I wanted to eat his face in that very moment. I'm pretty sure my hatred was palpable as he decided to change the subject and tell me about his weekend which consisted of him spending time sitting on a couch at his friend's house. It was soon after I asked him why he wasted my time with that story that he left the room and we didn't speak to each other the rest of the day.


I suppose I am being a little bit immature but the whole situation is distressing. First, I don't like hearing every stupid thing he says to his boyfriend because they are neither interesting nor cute. Second, I feel slighted as he has abandoned me who he has known since September, and spends at least 20 hours a week with, for some guy he's known a little less than 2 weeks and has only met in person 3 times. Third, I need a man.

Which brings me upon my latest scheme: A fitness plan.

Today I decided to jump on the elliptical machine to work off a little hatred and while it didn't work I feel damn good about myself which is always a plus. It felt so good in fact I've decided that I am going to try to work out at least 3 to 4 times a week so now when I say that in my online profiles it will actually be true! That is until I get a boyfriend.

I call this new workout plan Get Healthier or Get A Boyfriend.

Something tells me I'm going to be VERY healthy.

*Le Sigh*

But maybe that'll help me get a boyfriend. It's a like one of those paradoxes which came first the chicken or the egg... but in that situation I've also thought to ask "That depends... which one was the man".

I'm here all night.

2:^)