Everythings Coming Up StuckingFupid!

So back in the day I found out that my arch nemesis may have been sleeping around with people on the side and one of those people was a guy from an a capella group he was a part of. He claims they just kind of fooled around, but didn't have sex, and he couldn't tell me who it was because the boy had a girlfriend at the time.

Cut to the summer and one of my friends (who so doesn't deserve a boyfriend before I do) snags herself a man. Which now means I can't be friends with her because I'm a mean girl and I'm shameless in my disdain for other people's happiness.

Well guess what the connection is between my friend's boyfriend and my nemesis' anonymous hook up! ONE-IN-THE-SAME! And who is happier than a pedophile at a playground? ME!
Err... okay that metaphor makes me uncomfortable too but you get the point.

me = 2:^) <---- Happy!

On the work front, I somehow managed to lock the reference desk cabinet with the keys that open the cabinet inside. That takes skill. The key has a stuffed rhino on it to distinguish it from the other 50,000 keys we have. Here is my coworker's explanation of the situation that he sent out to the entire department:

Today the inexplicable happened: the (heretofore underestimated?) rhino locked himself--and the desk key--inside the desk itself. We were *almost* able to jimmy open the unit using a D-battery, an old bilge pump and three mini marshmallows; thankfully, there's also a spare (though unlabeled) key in the top drawer of [the reference librarian's] desk. Keep your eye on that rhino...

And while we're talking about emails, they send all students the crime reports and I think they're hilarious. Here's my favorite:

A 22-year-old female student reported that she was walking when she noticed an unknown male following her. When she neared the corner, the male ran to the front of her, put his hands on her shoulders, and pulled her close to him. She screamed. The male released her and ran. The female flagged a vehicle approaching the area. The driver transported the female to police headquarters where she reported the incident.

Sure this could have been a potential sexual assault/robbery incident, but I prefer to think there's a serial shoulder toucher (who is easily startled) running around my college.

Keep your eyes peeled and your shoulders padded.

2:^)