Friday, February 09, 2007

So Many Trannys

So last Friday I went to my first gay club with my asian hags and we had a fantastic time. The gays are friendly, funny, and shirtless a lot. What is there not to love?

Somehow my Asian hags got more digits and compliments than I did. One was told she had a J-lo booty, and the others became the love of a drag queen. I'm not complaining though because a very pretty boy gave me his number. I decided to wait a few days to call him as I didn't want the stink of desperation to somehow make its way through the telephone. Besides I was at my alma mater all weekend and I did have time between rounds of Beertleship to yakkity yak so I called him on Monday all nervous and excited and a quiver with anticipation.

After anxiously dialing his number he, to my relief, actually picked up the phone not the local Dunkin Donuts employee as I had suspected. From there I remind him who I am and his response was "Oh... OH I remember you now haha" to which I replied "You dork".

It's a fine art this seduction is. I thought to myself that this is a fine start if we were going to spend the rest of our lives together.

So I talk and ask him questions which he gives short terse responses. When he's done talking he doesn't ask any questions there's just dead silence which I tried to fill with mindless rambling. Which if my blog is any indication of my abilities, I am very good at that. Still I was so taken aback by his awkwardness I literally had to regroup so I told him I'd call him back making some lame excuse about my male best friend having woman issues or something. From there I talk to my friend Ditz who was with me at the bar, and she gave me some suggestions which I had already applied. So I thought about something interesting I could talk about (mentally insane and criminal library patrons) and called him back. Normally such a story has my friends rolling, however with this guy my remarks were greeted with a palpable silence. So I told him I had to go because it was 9 o'clock and I had grad school work to do and promptly hung up before he could respond.

I checked my cell phone and both calls together equaled approximately 6 minutes total.

4 minutes 10 seconds was me talking

30 seconds was him talking

1 minute and 20 seconds was dead air

Which makes me draw the following conclusions:

A) He's completely disinterested in me and gave me his number just to be nice/an asshole.
B) He is socially retarded and does not know how to carry on a conversation (he is a computer programmer after all).
C) He's a mute.
D) He couldn't talk too much because his wife would hear and start asking questions...again.

Regardless of the reason, I promptly deleted his number from my cell phone.

Speaking of boys, I just had words with my coworker because he is still dating that man he degifted tickets to Wicked for, but now is making out with some questionable police officer on the side who I now call the Pig.

So he tells me how he made out lots with The Pig and I asked him if he was going to tell his BOYFRIEND the midget about that.

He said they are just dating not boyfriends.

I said that's funny because you used the fact that he was your boyfriend as justification for not going with me to see the play.

To which he apologized for any confusion because he meant dating, which is pretty convenient that he said this man was his boyfriend in order to justify degifting me, but suddenly not his boyfriend when his tongue is down another man's throat.

At this point he asks "are you pissed at me" to which I replied "not pissed but annoyed" and he oh ok. I tried to soften the blow by saying "but it's not hard to annoy me", however he started laughing and bringing up really trivial examples of me being annoyed with other people so I told him "just because it doesn't take much to annoy me doesn't mean this only annoys me a little bit".

Minus a few words here or there we haven't talked.

He seems like such a nice guy buuuuuuuuut... who doesn't like to think they're a good person.

Anywho the title of this entry is brought to you by the fact I was at a straight club and was going to the bathroom when I was haulted by a transvestite who was guarding the door for some girls who couldn't get off their asses and walk to the ladies room. There was a line of guys waiting and all of them were bitching, while the Tranny danced in front of the door to keep them at bay.

It wasn't until I walked up to Mister Sister and told her to check on them and tell them to wrap it up that she actually listened and cleared out of the bathroom.

Got to love the allowances that being a flaming gay man and a big bitch allow you.

Note to straight guys and moral of the story - make gay friends because you never know when you'll run into a drag queen trying to bar you from using the facilities.