Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Oh double dating

Yet another milestone in my adventures in dating I went out with two guys at the same time.... lemme explain.

So a month or so back I went out with someone who was essentially bald, had shark teeth, and didn't have any boundaries. He touched me a lot, he harassed our poor waitress into giving me a free canoli for accidentally throwing away my doggie bag (which I most likely wouldn't have eaten anyway) and then he revealed himself to be the biggest apologist for the craziest professor at my undergraduate institution.

And yet I went on a second date with that slice...

Then there's my latest a young man that goes to a college near my house. He's an undergrad and we were talking online when he asked me out on a date.

So I really wanted to go out on Saturday and no one was around. The Usual Suspects were all busy and I alienated all my other friends who like to party. So in my desperation and because I remembered I had told him I'd call him days before, I called the undergrad to see how life was. He was so awkward and quiet on the phone I told him my whole life story twice and then told him I had to go even though I had just told him how bored I was and wanted to go out.

I called my friend to tell him what a socially awkward dweeb he is and in the meantime he signs on to ask me if he scared me off. I explained he's very quiet and he stated that he's very shy so eventually the urge to go out overwhelmed me and I asked him out. There was an unfortunate series of events that folllowed...

STRIKE 1: He told me he didn't have a car so he couldn't meet me out.

Sure he may have knifed me buuut I agreed to come pick up this stranger from the slum he lives in.

STRIKE 2: His response after that was "Is this your treat :-)?"

I'm not sure if I'm more annoyed by the use of emoticons or the cheapskate question itself.

From all of this I concluded that he might be a homeless man but I really really wanted to go out. But now that I committed I realized this could be an evening of us staring longingly into each others eyes because he is practically a mute.

Now recently date 1 (who got me a free canoli) had been hounding me about a 3rd date and he's always very talkative so...

Yes... I invited him along. I told them both the other would be there but the hilarity ensued.

Date 2 was a little more talkative but he doesn't really like bars and this particular night was zombie tour and they were playing things like the soundtrack from Rocky Horror Picture Show. My back started to hurt from carrying the conversation which was fortunate because who should appear - Date 1!

He came in gave me a hug and then offered to buy all of us beers. Date 2 didn't say a word the rest of the night. In the meantime I made the mistake of wearing a shirt with button snaps and made a joke about it. Date 2 was flirting with me lots and trying to touch me as per usual which was rebuffed. Then mid conversation he RIPS HALF MY SHIRT OFF. Luckily I was fast before a boob popped out but still... from there he started asking one of the barbacks why he wasn't shirtless and then without skipping a beat turns to Date 1 to say "YOU ARE SO QUIET"!

To which he characteristically replied with a shrug.

Soon I asked Date 2 if he would like to leave and he said "I'm ready to go if you are"

And Date 1 goes "That means he wants to go"

So we did.

And the night worked out great! Date 2 got the picture I don't want to go out with him anymore and Date 1 I don't have to worry about breaking it off because he only speaks when spoken to (half the time).

Who knew double dating was such a problem solver!