Sunday, March 04, 2007

Causing Drama While I'm Not Even Conscious

Friday Night: Best. Night. Ever!

Sneaking out of a bar
Befriending a Pakistani cab driver named Sunny
Driving to a Gay bar
5 Tequila shots later
Making out
'Nough Said.

Saturday Night: Worst. Night. Ever!

This one is going to require some explaining (haha even though I know you'd rather here about Friday night. 2;^)

So we go to a spanish bar with some of our friends and me and my friend Lili are having a horrendously bad time. We had pregamed before going so we were thoroughly trash but once there we were surrounded by greasy strangers and decided to sit down in the corner.

It was all good and well, I shut my eyes Lili rested her head on my lap when some guy comes up to her. Meanwhile I'm listening to this entire conversation.

Latino Guido: Hey you should take your boyfriend home!

Lili: Umm he's not my boyfriend.

Latino Guido: He's sleeping he shouldn't be here.

He then proceeds to HIT ME ON MY FOREHEAD to "wake me up".

Latino Guido: Hey man wake up you should go home you are sleeping.

Your Hero: I wasn't sleeping I was resting my eyes.

Latino Guido: Resting your eyes whatever, you should go home.

At this point our friend who is 6 foot 5 and in the army, starts in on the conversation.

Knight In Shining Armor (KISA): Hey man, how are you going to disrespect my friend like that. Who goes up to someone and wacks them on the head while they're sleeping.

Your Hero: I wasn't sleeping!

At this point they begin to argue with one another. My Knight in Shining Armor is demanding that the Latino Guido apologize. Latino Guido refuses and then starts using air quotes when he refers to my "resting my eyes". Hmmph!

Finally Knight In Shining Armor backed down a little and said.

KISA: Alright well if you're not going to apologize could you at least move down about 2 feet that way so you're not standing on top of him.

He was practically standing between my legs. I contemplated giving him a dollar for a lap dance but I'm pretty sure I'd get whatever the Mexican equivalent of gonorrhea is.

Latino Guido: Yeah okay I'll move. *Stays put, smiles, and drinks his beer*.

At this point, KISA stands up fuming mad and I attempt to defuse the situation.

Your Hero: Seriously could you just move a foot you're kind of in my personal space.

Latino Guido: No. *Sips beer*

At this point there were some serious daggers in my eyes.

Your Hero: Ooookay well I'm going to stand up now so you're making room regardless.

And I pushed him out of my way and stood next to KISA who was even more furious. From there I called my friend who was on the other side of the bar and told her we're going.

The best part though is that the Latino Guido was trying to mack on one of my friends the entire night and she was the first person to come to me to ask what happened.

Your Hero: He *points* is being a big douchebag.

Needless to say, he did NOT look happy as I recreated the whole story for her.

Lesson to you fellas. If there's one person you don't mess with in a group of girls it is their gay. Piss off a boyfriend, you might get beat down, mess with a homo and he'll turn everyone in the immediate area against you for the rest of your life.

Love my ladies.

Love my life.

Hope everyone is doing well.